By Penny Power – Business Author & Human-Centred Speaker
I have been aware of a lot of changes for people, including myself; we are all in an interesting part of human development alongside technological advancements. This week, I want to share what I have pondered and hope this guides you in some way too. It is about how we need one another – how now is the time for togetherness, not individualism.
I know how much I have needed love and support recently, and I am grateful to all those who have shown me that I matter.
I think we all want to feel positive about the changes in our lives, to see the good in change. Despite working hard at it, sometimes we all have to go through a period of adjustment and acceptance. During these moments, we can lose inner confidence and energy and can be in danger of shutting ourselves away.
We all know that in these moments we are not as positive as we usually are, and that in itself can be so annoying. Our best self is always when we see life positively, but forcing it can place us in denial and stop us from taking the right actions to develop through change.
Reading Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking (thank you, Tj, for posting it to me), I was struck by his writing on lack of self-confidence. He describes people who are “deep within themselves, mistrust their ability” and consequently live below what they may actually be capable of.
It made me wonder whether we have become too accustomed to thinking of confidence as something we must manufacture entirely within ourselves: believe in yourself, back yourself, be more confident.
To me, confidence is also relational; I don’t think you can grow in confidence entirely without emotional connection from others who are there for you.
Some of our deepest confidence grows through being seen, valued, encouraged, and believed in by another human being. When somebody believes in us at a time when we are struggling to believe in ourselves or our future, we can almost borrow their belief until our own becomes stronger.
Tj Power, in his book The DOSE Effect, teaches about Oxytocin as part of the chemistry of human connection.
He says that deep, meaningful connection supports oxytocin levels, and he links this with greater feelings of confidence, safety, and social ease.
SELF-WORTH and Deep Connection…
There is another layer too: self-worth. Deep connection doesn’t only help us feel more confident in what we can do; it can influence how we feel about who we are.
When we experience relationships where we are genuinely seen, accepted, listened to, valued, and loved, we receive repeated signals that we matter. Over time, those experiences can support our sense of self-worth.
Perhaps the order of recovery from knocks is:
Deep connection tells me “I still matter”.
Creates stronger self-worth.
Gives greater emotional safety.
Provides the confidence to contribute, take risks, learn, and grow.
All of this above relies on being vulnerable and having the courage to open up to people. To find people that care about you and nurture that relationship through your own ability to receive.
Having Significant Relationships where we feel safe, where we don’t just give but are able to receive, increases both self-worth and confidence.
Confidence is not always something we create alone. Sometimes it is something we receive through connection.
When I feel safe, I can be more vulnerable.
When I know I matter to you, I feel safer.
When I can be vulnerable, I can ask for help, try, fail, and learn.
When I am seen and valued, my sense of self-worth can strengthen.
And from that stronger foundation, confidence can grow.
I can feel the journey myself-
Self-worth said: “I have value.”
Confidence said: “I believe I can.”
Significant Relationships show me: “I know I matter.”
Deep human connection helps strengthen all three.
And two questions to leave with you –
Who believed in you before you fully believed in yourself?
Who needs to borrow some of your belief in them today?
With love,
Penny x
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