By Penny Power – Business Author & Human-Centred Speaker
Over the past month, I have shared two Ponderings that have been about my beliefs around how to create deep, sustainable relationships. Curiosity and Compassion.
This week I want to ponder Contribution with you.
When I was 11 years old, I had a powerful shift in my self worth and therefore confidence in myself. I had no idea that this beautiful moment would have a life long impact. I learned deeply what part contribution would play in my life.
I lived in a remote village, I was lonely although I didn’t know it until I reflected as an adult, we only know what we know as children. Cycling around, searching for anyone to talk to was my chief occupation. Then one day Toby arrived next door, a 7 years old wee boy with cerebral palsy, with a smile that lit a room. I spent any spare time I could with Toby, he made me feel amazing when I arrived, I loved helping him eat and play and always thanked his mum for allowing me to come over. I was not aware that I was giving Toby anything, I was only aware of the joy he gave me.
Contribution is a confusing act. Many people feel uncomfortable needing it, and some find it hard to give it without an agenda, an outcome. I learned with Toby the synchronicity of two hearts in need. The person that wants to contribute and the person that received these acts of love. Both hearts achieve joy, and a boost in oxytocin, self worth and confidence growing together.
The first thoughts that came into my mind when pondering this was how hard it is for some people to receive. In my words here, I want to share how the act of receiving is also an act of contribution.
Over the many years of running business communities, we have had some people apply to join us in BIP100 and say to Thomas who “I want to contribute, but I don’t need any help”.
On the face of it, this sounds so kind. However, imagine a community, a family or a business community, even a sporting one, where no one needed help, no one shared a need, no one had a desire for growth that wasn’t stretching them. The sense of the unrequited need to give never being fulfilled would create a lifeless energy in the community.
There is absolutely no person on earth that cannot receive something that adds to their lives in some way. It could be a moment of joy or laughter, it could be a celebration of who they are, it could be recognition for their achievements, it could be a referral to a great client, it could be a piece of knowledge that was passed on that pivoted a business idea, a strategy. It could just to feel significant and seen by peers that respect you and your journey in life.
The joy of contribution is that everyone gains. Both the person being trusted with someone’s vulnerability, and the person who is receiving this form of love and kindness.
I believe it is very hard to feel significant if no one can see the gifts of our heart and the wisdom we have collected through lifes joys and lifes battles. Significance and contribution are two sides of the same coin.
So in this Ponder this week I would love you to ponder these things:
- Who in your life trusts you enough with their vulnerabilities?
- When did you feel comfortable sharing a need you had?
- Who do you turn to in life when you need knowledge, kindness or support?
- Who turns to you when they need someone to believe in them when they are doubting?
Having close, significant people in your work and life is not always easy to achieve, I have known great feelings of loneliness, however, when we think about contribution and understand it is a 2-way street, perhaps we can build stronger relationships.
As I have shared in my precious Ponderings, deep relationships that feel significant in life and work takes Curiosity, Compassion, Contribution and next week I will share how it also takes Commitment.
With love,
Penny x
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