This time last year I realised I was broken
This time last year I stepped away from business and realised I had some massive healing to go through.
20 years of business ownership, 26 years of motherhood. Many experiences of joys, but many experiences of pain.
On the 30th November 2017, I had a huge physical shock in the form of hallucinations while delivering a workshop. The faces in front of me changed into faces from my past, many of them were the trolls that had hurt me deeply.
At that time I was putting myself through an insane amount of stress and exhaustion.
I decided, with the love and support of my amazing man, Thomas Power to retreat, recoup and repair.
I was referred to a Psychologist and spent 7 months learning the most amazing aspects of myself, the strengths I had and the vulnerabilities of my personality. I was diagnosed with PTSD and a type of depression called “the Curse of the Strong’ – a type that is so hidden as it is the one where you are positive and keep going and keep going and put any stress and pain into a draw and don’t face it or resolve it. It is when the term resilience becomes a destructive word, because resilience. actually starts with knowing yourself and knowing how to protect yourself
I also learned how much of my belief system and experiences were common to on many business owners and so many of the people I have come to know closely over the past 20 years in the Small Business Sector.
I have experienced the most amazing year, the Lao Tzu quote “to be whole, first you must break”, has been a huge inspiration and strength for me, giving me the courage to truly break.
I have now received my proof copy of my book, (this is not a promo post!). It is real raw and very honest and speaks the real story behind the emotional and mental journey we go on when we decide to own our own business. I know when it is released I will open the door to the good and the bad side of being myself and laying it out there for all to read.
My dream is that it helps just one person learn and gain their inner strength and save them from some of the pain and lost dreams that I have confronted hidden and been scared by.
So, I am more whole now than ever before, I want to formally thank the community of business friends that I have in The Business Cafe Global Group I run . Hard for them to know how much their comments, likes, shares and encouragement gave me that put me back on my feet. So this post is a tribute to them all.
Social Media to me has and will always remain about friendship, support and love. I know many of you share this belief.
This Christmas, we are putting more pressure on ourselves. Financial worries, juggling family and work, reflecting on our year, setting our dreams for the future year. The big message I want to give is “be the leader of the life and business you want, you do not lack, you have so much inside you, the times you feel inadequate will be when you compare, and then you despair, end this year not trying to be like anyone else, be you, your dreams, your definition of success, your voice, your choices”. This is stated by so many, in songs, insta quotes, blogs but I wonder though how many of us truly understand what this means. I thought I did, but now I really know what this means, deep inside.
You started your own business, so make it your own, it is how I regained the control over my life and business I needed.
Wishing everyone a beautiful run up to Christmas and the and of the year and pray that each one of you has a year ahead that reflects what you want you of life and not what you think you should want.