Dealing with shock, 4 steps we have learned
Over the past 2 weeks I have been having countless calls and Zooms with people in shock.
I guess my book (Business is Personal) has reached a large number of people and it is spreading around even more now as I tell the truth behind our financial and emotional shocks and how I learned to deal with shock and re-invent myself and a business out of the ashes.
I have written this over the weekend to help others, it is part of a book I have been asked to contribute toward for people adapting to Remote Working. It is being launched tomorrow. I was also asked to write the Foreward for it and I feel the book will be a great support to many…..look out for my post on it when it is launched
I hope this helps you if you are in shock…..
Shock. It is shock that rocks us to the core and leaves us unable to think clearly. It is physical. The adrenalin and cortisol that enters our body causes our stomachs to ache and cripples our heads. I have discovered that I am now able to predict how I will handle bad news and life-changing moments. I want to share them with you.
For me, I go through each stage rapidly, literally, each step takes a day. However, when I first started to experience life-changing shocks, this process took months. Over time, I have cut it down, as the fastest I can get to stage four, the fastest I can feel back in control. I hasten to add, none of this has been proven by Psychologists, I have proved it only to myself.
Stage 1. The BIG blow.
The moment I am told something that I know will alter my planned course in life, totally out of my control. I know this will require me to access inner strength, trust, belief and creativity to get me through.
It feels like a shot to the stomach. I need to sit with this, carry out some first aid on myself and those that have been affected around me. I need to be very tactical and practical and give myself time to absorb the information. Now is not the time to find solutions and to be strategic or creative.
Stage 2. The emotions flow.
I wake very low; I feel all emotions. Fear, anger, sadness, bitterness, regret, grief, the sense of loss. The mountain I was climbing is now disappearing from under my feet. I had felt so prepared for this climb, I had reached Base Camp, and was now enjoying the view. I was feeling a sense of safety here, yet now, despite gripping so tightly to cling on, I was slipping down, seeing the summit of my goals and plans disappear further into the distance. Fear was gripping me, terrified that I will fall badly and will never get back on my path again.
I cry, the disappointment is enormous, I want to blame someone or something. I lose faith that I can ever do it again, that this mountain and the path I was on, was the only right one.
By night, I am exhausted. All emotions have flooded through my body, and somehow, I feel a sense of acceptance, a realisation that things are different, and I cannot control this. I start to think ‘what next? What can I do that is within my control?’.
Stage 3. My mind is fuelled by something greater than fear.
Having allowed my emotions to flow, my mind is now ready to be clever. Accepting that I have no control over what has happened, I let go of it. I send my past plans and life routines away with love. I make space for my new way of life.
You see, this is the stage when I am truly alive. Confronting my greatest asset and value, the power of love, and empowering myself to use it in this time of need.
I am amazed how connected our heads and hearts are. If I drive my mind with my heart, then I am more powerful than I could ever believe. When I allow my heart to drive me instead of my head, it’s like the sun is entering my body. The warmth it gives me is extraordinary. It fills me with the trust, faith and hope that I need to calm my mind, to still my fears and to allow me to be creative and find the solutions I need.
Stage 4. Happiness Returns
Today I wake with such joy, a smile, laughter, I want to listen to music, I want to dance a bit. I want to connect with others, I want to sooth others who might also be in shock or affected by the news I am dealing with. I get excited about the new possibilities and I feel so alive.
My energy has returned and with that comes creativity. I almost thank the world for allowing me to show myself once again ‘who I am’, as this is far more impactful than ‘what I am’. No one needs the ‘what’ I was, or could have been, everyone needs the hearts and souls of others to heal, to connect and to find shared ways to move forward.
Life is now moving forward. I can do this, I am ready.
I share these stages in the total awareness that you might be experiencing one of them now, and if not now, then you will be one day. Adversity is a human experience that we all have. This is never your own battle. We each have battles, large and small, every day. Surviving pain and change is a human journey.
The challenge for many of us, is that when you work remotely, you are in danger of thinking you are alone, that your battle is unique and that the world ‘has it in for you’.
This is why we must all unite and leave behind our fake identities and fake communication. We need to be the beacons of real life and connect in communities that reflect and honour this. However, this is not easy. People hide their truth behind their identity. This is the mission I have in life: to help others to be themselves and allow their own battles to be shared, to have confidence and to love the real you. Since Thomas and I Founded Ecademy in 1998, we have seen the energy and power of real people. You can choose how you want to filter the world; I choose to filter the real, from the fake and the loving people from the ego driven people. We can surround ourselves with the right people, we just need to know who we are seeking.
My words to you are with love. I want to finish by saying: love yourself deeply, it is not wrong to do this and give yourself space and time to regain control when you have challenges thrown at you.